3 Sides To Every Coin

Sadness. Emptiness and sadness.

Sat, 10 Dec 2011 00:12:09 -0500

Sadness. Emptiness and sadness.

Was going thru an old hidden blog. Found a great quote I wrote about myself: I LOVE the chase. I...

Sun, 27 Nov 2011 22:20:27 -0500

Was going thru an old hidden blog. Found a great quote I wrote about myself:

I LOVE the chase. I LOATHE the capture.

Scary how accurate that quote really is.

Tell your folks you love them. Even if you want to stab them with a corkscrew for being assholes....

Wed, 23 Nov 2011 01:12:34 -0500

Tell your folks you love them.

Even if you want to stab them with a corkscrew for being assholes.

It’s important they know how much you love them

"Instead of complaining that the rose bush is full of thorns, be happy the thorn bush has roses."

Sun, 20 Nov 2011 12:52:00 -0500

““Instead of complaining that the rose bush is full of thorns, be happy the thorn bush has roses.””

- Proverb

"Holding resentment is like eating poison and waiting for the other person to keel over"

Sun, 20 Nov 2011 09:55:31 -0500

“Holding resentment is like eating poison and waiting for the other person to keel over”

- Unknown

It took 20+ seconds to figure out what was wrong here when I saw...

Tue, 15 Nov 2011 07:32:25 -0500

It took 20+ seconds to figure out what was wrong here when I saw it

Do people outside of radio/tv use the phrase “Top of the Hour”? Do those people even...

Fri, 11 Nov 2011 14:08:37 -0500

Do people outside of radio/tv use the phrase “Top of the Hour”? Do those people even know what it means?

The downside of Sleep

Fri, 11 Nov 2011 09:44:26 -0500

I’ve been sleeping so poorly this last week+, that it’s really getting to me. Making me super cranky and stuff.

So last night, I took a sleeping pill to knock me out.

And I got a “problem” phone call from the station at 6am (more an fyi since there was nothing I could do to fix it). I finally woke up 20 mins ago and my in-box is flooded with emails and follow-ups from this problem.

Awesome way to start today.

I just wanted some sleep, man.

Memories

Wed, 09 Nov 2011 15:14:44 -0500

Just heard a song that reminded me of my days DJing a club back in Charleston, WV.

The song was Runaround Sue.

The guy who owned the club, Danny, was horribly unhip and hated hip-hop being played in his club. His idea of great songs to make people dance were “Runaround Sue” and Teena Marie’s “Lovergirl”.

On slow nights, we’d play Teena Marie to shut his trap. Then we’d wait til he was nice & drunk to break out Puffy. Go ahead and barf…it’s what we had to do.

Hearing the song made me think of my ex-roommate Palmer…and our bouncers Shane & Andy. Such great dudes.

Random story: Palmer, Shane & I all hooked up with same girl. At separate times. Sort of.

Not sure if that says a lot about us, or a lot about her.

Reciprocate

Mon, 07 Nov 2011 09:59:00 -0500

I’ve been seeing this girl for a little over a year now. I can’t say “dating” because that would imply some sort of exclusivity. But even “seeing” seems like over the top phrasing. Maybe a better way to put it is: Semi-Monthly dates with occasional texting.

Just rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it?

I’ve been frustrated with this girl for a while. Not enough that it consumes me or anything, but just enough to make me think: If she gave 15% more, this could be a pretty decent relationship. And don’t misunderstand, I’m perfectly happy moving at a slow pace…but this is a standstill.

She’s been late to/broken/forgot about dates we’ve had. Most times I let it all slide because we both have pretty crazy work schedules. But what I can’t and won’t forgive, is disrespect.

One of the fastest ways to get me to cash out on you, is to not reciprocate what I give. Specifically, I mean, Respect.

It’s the simple things, like returning phone calls/texts, rescheduling time together if something comes up, calling or texting on your Birthday. I don’t ask for a whole lot from the people I surround myself with, but I do expect their respect…especially since they get it by me choosing to spend my time with them.

This past weekend was my birthday. I don’t particularly care for birthdays. The cake, the singing…just dumb. A couple friends have really understood how much I’d rather just go have a nice dinner and conversation than to make some big horseshit to do over being the cause of a c-section scar. (fyi, yes, I do believe in the miracle of life, but I also believe that celebrating when we come into each other’s lives is a bigger deal than celebrating coming into the world. it’s just my view, i don’t push it on anyone else)

The girl I’m seeing…I didn’t hear from her. Not on Facebook. Not a phone call. Not a text. Not a tasteful nude. Nothing. We were also supposed to go to the Redskins game on Sunday…plans we made over a month ago and I asked her to make sure she had the day off. I texted her on Friday to make sure she was still going. I didn’t hear back from her until Sunday morning…when she told me she didn’t ask for the day off.

That was the nail in her coffin. On her Birthday, I was in London, and I still reached out to wish her a Happy Birthday. But me…I get nothing. Worse, I get screwed when it come to our plans.

Emotionally, I’ve spent the past week being put through the ringer. It’s made me realize what’s important and what isn’t.

And if someone isn’t willing to reciprocate time, energy, and respect…you no longer get mine.

Grandma

Wed, 02 Nov 2011 17:38:00 -0400

I’ve always felt my Grandma was around my Mom and I. After she passed, my family believed that her spirit moved to a bird. We have a few reasons…none I’m going to get into now.

One of the questions the nurses asked me when I got here was: What’s your Mother’s Mother’s first name?

I vapor-locked. All I could think was: Grandma.

After a few minutes, I gave them her name…at least what I think her name was. I’m embarrassed that I don’t know for sure.

Sitting here in the hospital with my Mom. She’s in a great deal of pain. Failing in and out of sleep…crying out in pain for the moments she’s awake.

Moments ago, she woke up and cried out MOMMY!

I think either my Grandma is talking to her in my Mom’s dreams, or my Grandma is guiding her.

I don’t really know. But if my Grandma is around right now, I hope she brings my Mom some peace.

Hour Zero

Tue, 01 Nov 2011 10:14:00 -0400

I’ve wanted to write a blog for a while. One where I, willingly, would expose parts of my life that I normally would not want to let out. I’ve stopped myself a thousand times…mainly because of privacy concerns, but also because I don’t want or need your judgement. I have enough problems and issues to deal with, on so many levels, and the last thing I want is for someone to interject their opinions & beliefs into my world.

But when you’re alone, and the problems become bigger and bigger…sometimes more than you think you can handle…you quickly realize that you don’t have all the answers like you thought you did. And you don’t know how or where to get them. So you’re left with two options:

Shut down
Open up

I’m using this blog to start the latter.

I dunno what I’ll write here. Maybe about my pain. Maybe my joy. My frustration. My drives. My desires. My desperation. The hell if I know…

I’m just gonna be honest. Honest in my way. I see all 3 sides of a coin and make decisions based on that. Sometimes it’s cold…but I think it’s the only way I can be honest with myself or anyone else.

I’m in a weird place right now…